#2: On new year’s resolutions
I am a bit ambivalent about new year’s resolutions.
On the plus side, I like the idea of personal growth and science tells us that the beginning of the year is a good time to adopt new habits - there is a “clean slate,” “fresh start” effect that gives us momentum and helps us follow through with our resolutions. But I am afraid that the kind of resolutions we make are ultimately not so helpful. At this time of year, the world around us, from Instagram to magazines to TV, is busy presenting us with new year’s resolutions ideas, telling us that we need to change this or that about ourselves in order to become “better (slimmer, stronger, more productive) version of ourselves.” I find that a bit overwhelming. It makes me question myself. Those 30-day challenge videos set on the terrace of some gorgeous house (with both an infinity pool and the sea in the background) with a very energetic yoga instructor powering through poses can be alluring. How many times have I caught myself thinking “I want that (both the house and the teacher’s muscle-definition)?” But it does not necessarily mean that this is what I truly need now. I don’t have much spare time or energy so it does matter what I invest them into. Maybe I need to slow down, and choose restorative yoga instead of a physically intense practice. Maybe I need to focus more on meditation than movement. My point is, I should pause and think before resolving to do anything. I should make sure it’s right for me.
So let’s begin by talking about growth, rather than change.
There is no need to erase our past and discard ourselves for having failed to live up to some random arbitrary goal. Instead, let’s try to be kind to ourselves. We all screw up, there is always a margin for growth, everybody fails. We are human, after all. Then if we are considering making new year’s resolutions, let’s make sure they align with our values and our own definitions of success and beauty. And, spoiler alert, that often has very little to do with the size of jeans we fit in or how high we can lift our leg. Then we can ask what we need to add, or maybe remove from our lives to better align with our values.
Simple, isn’t it? Well, not so much as it requires a bit of introspection and that is not something we are trained or encouraged to do (side note: it is something that yoga does teach and it is called Svâdhyâya). It takes more time and effort than relying on others, be they Instagram or magazines, to decide what we are going to devote our precious energy to. There is no ready-made answer. There is no right or wrong.
I find that these questions are a good place to start:
How am I? Am I stressed, sad, angry? Our state of mind will influence how we answer these questions so it is important to be aware of what is going on in our minds.
What are my values? What makes a successful life?
When was the last time I felt like myself, present, at peace? What was I doing? Who was there with me?
How do I want to feel? Why?
Who inspires me? Why?
What would my 80-year- old self would tell me? What would be worth remembering?
Every time we get an answer, we need to keep digging to get to the bottom of things.
Example: if my last pre-covid beach vacation is the last time I felt at peace, it does not necessarily mean that what I value most is idleness. The feeling of peace might have had more to do with how I was able to soak in all the beauty surrounding me (the sunshine, the sound of the waves, the color of the sea, the softness of the sand), how connected I felt to the friends and my family, how well rested I was… Those qualities are things that I can intentionally try to cultivate in my everyday life.
Finally, we need to make sure that the resolutions we make are grounded in kindness, softness, gentleness to ourselves. We all deserve it and we all tend to do better as humans when we can give it to ourselves.
